Love Stealer S.M

Every tear i cry is like a thousand razor blades………..

Im not looking for attention or self pitty but this is my story: So when i was little (6 years old) i was abused by moms girlfriend she lied to my mom and told her i was doiing that to myself and my mom said she would never grust me again and then a couple years after that my dad had cosdity of me n my brother and when i had to see my mom she would lock me in my room and i would have to stay there all day without eatching breakfast , lunch , or dinner when i was 9 i became anorexic but only the people on this know now that im posting it and nobody in my family knew, and when i had just turned 9 thats exactly when i started cutting nobody knew at that time but around my 12 birthday my whole family knew and my cuttting became worse. but about 2 weeks ago me n my mom got into a huge fight i ran away she threatened to calll the cops on me and to put me in a physco path place for 3 days (72 hours) and i slappped her and i tried to jump out my window and she pulled me back in when i had my legs out and she trried telling me i could never stop cutting it would just be a forveer habbit and has no trust in me what so ever. i Really hope one day i do stop thats my goal but its too hard. When i had my last boyfriend he abused me callled me names and bullied me when i was dating him….. i thought everyone i would date would be like that but i still just cant find the right one. Whne i turned 11 my best friend in the whole world we were always there together she died of cancer its been a year.  i still cry at night everynight to cry myself to sleep. My aunt also died of cancer. Those 2 pppl were the mail ppl in my life xcept my dad my brother and my step- mom. I miss them to much it kills me. i wish they were here. My childhood haunts me. my mom always told me she was ganna killl herself becasue of me and she told me 2 weeks ago maybe i should be dead u wouldnt care i should have just crashed last week iand died and maybe u wouldnt care and accually have a happy life….. And her gf lies and threatens me with words of hate and my mom said she thinks im lying that all her gf hurt me in some way. She causes my cutting adn her gf and me being bullied. im still being bulllied from the bf i dated hes my ex now but i have 2 other ppl bulling me calling me a bitch, a emo joe, unworthly bitch, and like always go kill urself u dont belong in this world. I mean that hurt me the worst and will always be carred with my memories. and my cure to all this is cutting. i thought i could stop, but i guess not its so hard after everything that hapened it is way longer than this but i just dont want to say everything that happened becasue some of it is so much for me to tell online. so dont tell me im loooking for self pitty because im not im just telling everyone y i cut everyone is asking me y… so here you go

Just one day i wish i could stop….. And just forget my past but that will never happen. I wsh i could just delete everything. My life is ahell. Sometimes i just wish i wasnt here but that cannever happen. When ppl ask me about my scars i die everytime inside….They ask me what happened, did i do that. And imalways bullied. They say “your a hoe”, “slut” , “an emo bitch” and one person just said “go die nobody wants u to be in your life so just go die” ANd that is killing me. My friend is in the hospital and idk y my Friend that isn in the hospital toldme she was in the hospital and idk y. It hurts me to knwo thati cant figure out if shes okay. I just wish life wasnt to complicated. Im supposed to be done but im thinking…….. can i stop or us keep ging….. i promised my dad that i wouldnt cut anymore but my life righ tnow is really ba and there is so much to my life but i just dont want to explain it… maybe later i will but riht now i have to think….